


Courted

by iamtheyellowbox



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1918611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtheyellowbox/pseuds/iamtheyellowbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spiderman is being courted in the strangest way he can imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courted

Spiderman frowned down at the box sitting on the rooftop. There was no one else in sight, but the box was clearly meant for him. It was wrapped in red paper, tied with a blue bow, and had webbing drawn sloppily over every inch of it. 

The question was, did he dare open it? 

Spiderman visited this roof often enough that anyone who bothered could figure out that he'd be by here at some point during his patrol. Which meant that the present could be a bomb or some other dangerous item. Or it could be from a fan or someone he'd helped at some point. 

There was no way to know for sure unless he opened it. 

Well, hopefully curiosity _doesn't_ kill the spider, because he couldn't just _not_ open a mystery box addressed to him. 

Spiderman picked up the box carefully, turning it to all angles and even pressing it to his ear to listen for ominous ticking before he finally deemed it safe to open. He drew the ribbon off first, carefully storing it beneath the box so it wouldn't blow away. With the ribbon off, the childishness of the hand drawn webbing was obvious. Maybe it was a kid who'd left this?

He slid a finger under the corner of the paper and pulled it off, revealing a brown box underneath and the writing "NOT A BOMB" scrawled across the top. 

That was comforting. 

Using a rock from the rooftop, Spiderman cut the tape that sealed the box and flipped the lid open. Inside was…

A stuffed, pink, mouse?

\---

The next night, another present was left on the same rooftop. Just like last time, there was no one around and no note as to who the present was from. The only difference between this present and the last one, was that this one had a black ribbon instead of a blue one. 

Spiderman approached wearily. What was this about, anyway? It wasn't anywhere near his birthday and even if it had been, who would get him a pink mouse as a gift?

Was it a joke? If so, it was a pretty obscure one. 

Well, no use debating things he didn't know when he could be opening a present!

When Spiderman opened this one, he found a camouflage fleese blanket inside. 

Okay, soft. But tacky. 

\---

Day three met with another present: this time a black umbrella with the words "Caution: keep dry" spray painted in yellow across the underside of it. A message obviously meant just for him. 

\---

Day four was a jar of mostly-alive fireflies. Though whoever had captured them and wrapped the gift had apparently forgotten to poke holes in the can. Spiderman set them free. 

\---

On day five featured some type of potted, prickly plant. 

\---

Day six was a heat lamp. 

\---

When day seven rolled around, Spiderman was honestly ready for anything. The presents so far had been bizarre, but harmless, and he was actually looking forward to seeing what showed up next. 

What he hadn't been prepared for was nothing. 

There was no box, no colorful paper, no strange gift. The roof, as far as Spiderman could tell, was deserted. 

Spiderman sighed and tried to squash the sense of disappointment he felt. He didn't know who was giving him these gifts, or why. He had no right to expect that they'd continue. 

For a while it had just been… _fun._

Spiderman turned to leave, but before he was able to step off the rooftop, he heard someone yelling from the ground below. 

"Wait! I'm late. I'm so late. Sorry!" 

Looking down, Spiderman just caught sight of Deadpool entering the building and smiled. 

He and Deadpool met up on rooftops around the city occasionally for dinner to just to unwind after a battle. Their nights were always fun, and Spiderman could never remember laughing more than he did during their rooftop meetings. 

"Hey," Spiderman waved as Deadpool burst through the door to the roof. "How are…What are you _wearing?_ "

Deadpool was wearing his normal suit, but sometime between entering the building and making it to the roof, he had donned a blue and white dress. The dress was complete with pouffy sleeves and enough petticoats to push the skirt out past the mercenary's shoulders. 

"I'm Little Miss Muffet!" Deadpool beamed. 

"Um…" Spiderman raised an eyebrow under the mask, "You are what, now?"

"Little Miss Muffet! You know…eating her curds and whey." 

It took a moment to place the reference, but he finally remembered the nursery rhyme. "Right. Why are you Little Miss Muffet?"

"Because along comes a Spidey to sit down beside me!" Deadpool sat on the ledge of the roof and patted the space beside him in what was probably supposed to be a seductive manner. 

"I am so confused, right now," Spiderman laughed, taking a deliberate step away from the other man. 

"Didn't you get my presents?" Deadpool pouted. "I knew I should have set up a security camera to make sure they weren't stolen!"

"Those were from YOU?" 

"Of course!" Deadpool's maudlin expression changed to immediate happiness, "You _did_ get them! Did you like them?"

In the face of the other man's obvious excitement, Spiderman bit back his first response and decided on a more diplomatic approach. "They were…unique. I didn't really understand…"

"Yes! We knew one of them had to be right," Deadpool jumped up from his seat and bounced, causing the dress to flow in what Spiderman could only describe as ripples. "I didn't know what type of spider you were bitten by, so we decided to get things for a bunch of types. That way, we had to hit it right with at least _one!"_

There were so many things wrong with that statement that Spiderman didn't know where to start. Luckily, when Deadpool was the other member of a conversation, you didn't really have to hold up your own end. 

"So we did a ton of research and found out that some spiders are big enough to eat baby mice! That seemed right, since you are so big. Well, twink-ish for a guy, but big for a spider!"

The mouse. Check. 

"And most spiders like it in dark, warm places." Blanket. Check. "And, of course, water spouts have it out to get them." Umbrella. Check…ish. "And most eat insects." Fireflies. Check. "And they live in green things." Plant. Check. "And some love the heat." Lamp. Check. 

Which only left…

"And they always come see Miss Muffet!" Deadpool finished, curtsying. 

Spiderman shook his head. "Okay, you do realize that when I was bit by the spider, I didn't actually become a _spider_ man. I don't eat bugs or mice or drown in a bit of water."

Deadpool pouted. "I know that! But maybe you have a spider in your head, like my boxes. And we, the boxes and I, talked it out and decided that courting _him_ would be easier than courting _you._ You never seem to notice when I court you." Deadpool dragged his toe across the ground and frowned sadly. 

" _Courting?_ When have you ever…"

"I buy you dinner all the time! And I compliment you. And I always let you hit the bad guys first!"

Said like that, it did sound like courting in a very _Deadpoolesque_ sort of way. 

Had the other man really been spending weeks trying to first court him, and then court the spider that bit him?

Apparently, he had. 

Spiderman laughed, "You silly dork."

Deadpool's head shot up and, for a second, he looked betrayed. 

"Don't you realize that all you ever had to do was say something? I've been crushing on you for _years._ "

"Really?" Deadpool's whole face lit up again and he moved in a way that was almost liquid, hips rolling with each step until he was pressed completely against Spiderman. 

"Oh, yeah," Spiderman whispered, breathless. 

Day seven ended up being Spidey's favorite of all the presents. 

**Author's Note:**

> In celebration of achieving 100 followers on Tumblr today (http://iamtheyellowbox.tumblr.com), I accepted a short number of prompts for one shots as a thank you for all those psychotic enough to follow me. This was the second prompt: I would love fic where Deadpool is courting Spidey in totally Deadpool way like giving him strange gifts like tacos, or something. To the point where Spidey is not aware that he is being courted.
> 
> P.S. The first prompt was "Nightmares," which is found under my works.


End file.
